What's new
Frozen In Carbonite

Welcome to FIC! Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!

My post-Isekai story idea

beast_regards

Well-known member
Rather miffed about the whole 9/11 thing?
I don't see why this one should be an issue. Your protagonist is US military, not Al-Qaeda

Because I think the way they think would determine their course of actions on the strange new world. Admittedly, I already have some ideas and they are mostly unconnected to the American soldiers' mentality and more with the situation on the ground, but still.
I don't see much of the issue.
Americans doesn't care much about realism, only about their ego, as long as they are displayed in positive way they don't care.
SB doesn't care about realism, they only care about their rules.
SV doesn't care about realism, only about their politics.
QQ doesn't care about realism, as long as it ends with hentai plot.
 

Terra Novan

Well-known member
Author
I don't see why this one should be an issue. Your protagonist is US military, not Al-Qaeda


I don't see much of the issue.
Americans doesn't care much about realism, only about their ego, as long as they are displayed in positive way they don't care.
SB doesn't care about realism, they only care about their rules.
SV doesn't care about realism, only about their politics.
QQ doesn't care about realism, as long as it ends with hentai plot.
Yeah, guess I am just stalling out of fear. I'll go back to writing.

That said, would you like to discuss the policies of the Republic? I have a few things in my mind.
 

Terra Novan

Well-known member
Author
You have nothing to fear but fear itself.
And SB rules. You never know when you offend those. :D


Nothing in particular.
It is anything you need to make story going, I guess.
Also, I have a few things in mind to make the world more unique in appearance:

1. Larger moon. The moon of this world is Mars-sized, but still maintain a stable orbit.

2. Longer year. Twice as long as the Earth year.

3. Perpetual Little Ice Age-like climate effects.

4. No stars visible.
 

beast_regards

Well-known member
Also, I have a few things in mind to make the world more unique in appearance:

1. Larger moon. The moon of this world is Mars-sized, but still maintain a stable orbit.

2. Longer year. Twice as long as the Earth year.

3. Perpetual Little Ice Age-like climate effects.

4. No stars visible.
Why the ice age, and no stars?

Ice age is obviously a problem, how do you even feed all the population? If there are only couple of survivors, how you even have any war, or politics, except struggle how to keep warm and get something to eat?

No stars would also demand a very unique cosmology for the universe ...
 

Terra Novan

Well-known member
Author
Why the ice age, and no stars?

Ice age is obviously a problem, how do you even feed all the population? If there are only couple of survivors, how you even have any war, or politics, except struggle how to keep warm and get something to eat?
Not full ice age or Frostpunk scenario, but a Little Ice Age-like condition, which was habitable if a bit harsh, and saw the rise of the Industrial Revolution.

No stars would also demand a very unique cosmology for the universe ...
But would people or ground know or care?
 

beast_regards

Well-known member
But would people or ground know or care?
I think, yes, they would notice, apocalyptic scenarios are hard to miss in general. And visitors from another world would probably notice the correlation between absence of any stars, along with world freezing over, as sun seems to be dying out and it seems to be last sun in the universe
 

Terra Novan

Well-known member
Author
I think, yes, they would notice, apocalyptic scenarios are hard to miss in general. And visitors from another world would probably notice the correlation between absence of any stars, along with world freezing over, as sun seems to be dying out and it seems to be last sun in the universe
I didn't intend it as an apocalypse scenario, though. And the reason for Little Ice Age-like condition is simply because the planet is farther from the sun than Earth.
 

beast_regards

Well-known member
I didn't intend it as an apocalypse scenario, though. And the reason for Little Ice Age-like condition is simply because the planet is farther from the sun than Earth.
It looks like one though.
I understand that you need to be able to tell that they "aren't in Kansas anymore" but those doesn't have to be anything extreme, a different moon could work just fine, or simply not being able to recognize the stars to suggest they aren't on Earth anymore, etc.
Anyway, I wonder, how much of this feedback is actually demotivating you from writing that first chapter?
 

Terra Novan

Well-known member
Author
This is what I've written so far, after much revising:

March, 2002
Afghanistan

Far from their home, on the ancient land of mountains and sands, the Battalion took their first step toward their destination.
 

beast_regards

Well-known member
Not really demotivating. My inability to actual write, or stick to what I've written, is more of an obstacle than your feedback.
Generally, as a rule of thumb, I would suggest against including any unusual conditions that aren't relevant to the plot, or aren't necessary for your motivation to write.
If something bears some significance to you, and without it you won't feel like writing anymore, it's better to include it rather than get stuck, but otherwise, don't include unusual or near apocalyptic conditions that aren't going to be relevant in the story.

Far from their home, on the ancient land of mountains and sands, the Battalion took their first step toward their destination.
Actually, I would make it sound less poetic.
As it is actually seen from the perspective of the character at the moment in his happening. Like it's too damn hot, and sand gets everywhere (not that much sand in Afganistan, realistically, but still, it's pretty dusty)
 

Terra Novan

Well-known member
Author
Actually, I would make it sound less poetic.
As it is actually seen from the perspective of the character at the moment in his happening. Like it's too damn hot, and sand gets everywhere (not that much sand in Afganistan, realistically, but still, it's pretty dusty)
Well, here it goes again. Still, that's a good recommendation.

How about this:

He was far from the home, the dusts were everywhere, and the day was too damn hot. That was Private William Boyce’s thought on the current situation.

His unit, the 3rd Battalion, 87th Infantry Regiment, 10th Mountain Division of the US Army, was tasked with sweeping a valley of terrorists, and that was going well.

Generally, as a rule of thumb, I would suggest against including any unusual conditions that aren't relevant to the plot, or aren't necessary for your motivation to write.
If something bears some significance to you, and without it you won't feel like writing anymore, it's better to include it rather than get stuck, but otherwise, don't include unusual or near apocalyptic conditions that aren't going to be relevant in the story.
Okay, but it is my choice, isn't it?
 

Terra Novan

Well-known member
Author
Contiuning...

He was far from the home, the dust were everywhere, and the day was too damn hot. That was Private William Boyce’s thought on the current situation and the impression of the country in general.

His unit, the 3rd Battalion, 87th Infantry Regiment, 10th Mountain Division of the US Army, was tasked with sweeping a valley of terrorists, and that was going well. The 600-men unit was inserted to reinforce and replace the exhausted comrades-in-arms, and so far they haven’t seen any significant actions.

From what Boyce heard, that might change soon. The battalion was ordered to divert to a nearby valley, for what purpose Boyce did not know, but he did not really care about that. If there was terrorists to fight, he would, and perhaps the place would offer something different from all these dusts.
 

beast_regards

Well-known member
He was far from the home, the dust were everywhere, and the day was too damn hot. That was Private William Boyce’s thought on the current situation and the impression of the country in general.

His unit, the 3rd Battalion, 87th Infantry Regiment, 10th Mountain Division of the US Army, was tasked with sweeping a valley of terrorists, and that was going well. The 600-men unit was inserted to reinforce and replace the exhausted comrades-in-arms, and so far they haven’t seen any significant actions.

From what Boyce heard, that might change soon. The battalion was ordered to divert to a nearby valley, for what purpose Boyce did not know, but he did not really care about that. If there was terrorists to fight, he would, and perhaps the place would offer something different from all these dusts.
It works. You could wrote it in a first person, but nothing really wrong with 3rd person view either.

All of these feels wrong, somehow. Maybe I should try a different approach.
What exactly is wrong? A style?

Okay, but it is my choice, isn't it?
That's why I asked if you feel demotivated by my feedback...
 

Terra Novan

Well-known member
Author
Would be 1st person better or worse?
Is the style you wrote your initial post more to your liking, and comes easy to you?
Neither is to my liking, honestly. The narrative style would probably bore readers to drop the story before it even begins, but I am not satisfied with how I've written POV style.
 

beast_regards

Well-known member
Neither is to my liking, honestly. The narrative style would probably bore readers to drop the story before it even begins, but I am not satisfied with how I've written POV style.
Your initial post has been written almost as it was slightly biased historical book (or at least, pseudo historical, caring to pander more than for articulacy).
Theoretically, a whole story can be written in this style, however it would demand to cover much longer time span than a normal story would. At least you can't be criticised for starting with narration if entire story was written this way purposefully. You would be also able to hide some factual errors behind unreliable narrator if there is no POV change and thus no one can confirm how things really happened.
If this style came to you naturally, it may solve at least some problems you may experience with writing.

Otherwise, I would use 1st person for every POV post.

Generally, it would be supposedly weird if you skipped from 1st person to 3rd, or vice versa. Skipping POV can be confusing, but skipping forms can be too.

I suppose we should find out what is easiest for you to write.

And of course, somehow do not demotivate you. Writing tips can be useful, but also very demotivating. Read a few, sometimes it felt like it isn't worth it.
 

Terra Novan

Well-known member
Author
Your initial post has been written almost as it was slightly biased historical book (or at least, pseudo historical, caring to pander more than for articulacy).
Theoretically, a whole story can be written in this style, however it would demand to cover much longer time span than a normal story would. At least you can't be criticised for starting with narration if entire story was written this way purposefully. You would be also able to hide some factual errors behind unreliable narrator if there is no POV change and thus no one can confirm how things really happened.
If this style came to you naturally, it may solve at least some problems you may experience with writing.

Otherwise, I would use 1st person for every POV post.
My idea was to use the narrative style for brief prologue (but I am conflicted about this, as you can see) and interludes, primarily to quickly info-dump without annoying readers too much.

I suppose we should find out what is easiest for you to write.
Admittedly, I can write a narrative better than POVs, possibly because I am a visual-oriented guy as you said, but I am trying to get better with the latter. The primary problem I have with this prologue is that it just feels... sparkless and rough, I suppose. That and I am not sure if starting with the Battalion Isekaing is a right idea - I always envisioned that as a revelation later in the story, with early hints that the Republic is not just a simple Fantasy America.

And of course, somehow do not demotivate you. Writing tips can be useful, but also very demotivating. Read a few, sometimes it felt like it isn't worth it.
*Shrug* It's not new for me.
 
Last edited:

beast_regards

Well-known member
Admittedly, I can write a narrative better than POVs, possibly because I am a visual-oriented guy as you said, but I am trying to get better with the latter. The primary problem I have with this prologue is that it just feels... sparkless and rough, I suppose. That and I am not sure if starting with the Battalion Isekaing is a right idea - I always envisioned that as a revelation later in the story, with early hints that the Republic is not just a simple Fantasy America.
If you jump in between conventional storytelling in 1st or 3rd person, and narrating, it will go against the "Show, don't tell" first advice of writing.

If a whole narration style comes to you easily, it's much easier to simply narrate all the time and pretend that story is actually a passage from actual historical book in-universe, it has practically no direct speech, unless it is citing a notable individuals, and is practically only retelling the event (and it may not even do so articulately)

If whole Isekai style past was supposed to be a ... kind of mystery ... then it would make sense to start with a POV of the person who actually either don't know any of that, but knows, but doesn't consider it important in his situation.
 

Terra Novan

Well-known member
Author
If you jump in between conventional storytelling in 1st or 3rd person, and narrating, it will go against the "Show, don't tell" first advice of writing.
Dunno, I did saw some stories doing that, and they were fine.

If a whole narration style comes to you easily, it's much easier to simply narrate all the time and pretend that story is actually a passage from actual historical book in-universe, it has practically no direct speech, unless it is citing a notable individuals, and is practically only retelling the event (and it may not even do so articulately)
But I am trying to write a novel here, so I'll have to keep trying for POVs.

If whole Isekai style past was supposed to be a ... kind of mystery ... then it would make sense to start with a POV of the person who actually either don't know any of that, but knows, but doesn't consider it important in his situation.
Perhaps that's the solution.
 

Users Who Are Viewing This Thread (Users: 0, Guests: 1)

Top