introduction and label.
The one and only Lord of Mutton Chops.
May of 2009, Utah. Phillip "Big Dog" E. Jones decides to launch the closest thing we will ever get from a pyramid scheme in the literary world. Enter...
WORLDS OF THE CRYSTAL MOON
Worlds of the Crystal moon is a bad novel amidst a sea of incompetence that plagues the genre of epic fantasy. As in, it gives the Maradonia Saga a hell of a run for its money. It's that bad, guys. Now, if you don't believe me, just stick around this trail of pain.
And you are wondering, what is this pyramid scheme you talk of? You see, WOCM is a bad novel, a horrible one. But it's, "apparently", a "draft". You heard it, all these bad thingies, all these plotpoints or scenes, are just testing grounds, trials and starting ideas, so no biggie!
Who will correct them, though? The answer is simple: the reader.
Even though Big Dog (who, by the way, was the owner of the publishing house that distributed this... thing) had two editors in his payroll it befell to any involved reader to do his and his employees' jobs. it was, as they put it, to foment involvement of the fans.
This process rinsed and repeat for not one, not two, but four more times up to the last edition, which got a name change and would come to be known as "Ascendants of Ancients Sovereign." I maaay cover that one later but let's stick to WOCM 4th edition. Because it's chock full of glorious stuff!!
Like the glossary, which starts with...
“The moment when the sun rises just above the horizon.”
I'm not kidding. This book literally starts explaining you what the hell dawn is. And this is marketed to YAs, even though I wouldn't recommend it to anyone between the ages of 12 and dead to be honest, and it sure sure as hell has enough erotic/scatologic content and subtext to earn the literary equivalent of the R rating. And you sure as shit ain't bringing this to a 3 years old.
The list goes on, providing jewels like:
An estimated series of moments that is said to be in the middle of the night.”
Truly something I'd never have thought of!
Which brings me to the point above and the "Bailem" (note, not the battle of Bailen, were the spanish remembered they had weapons and used them, causing the french to mass surrender) which is basically the author feeling artsy and wanting to name "Day" by a different way. And you would say: well, it's a fantasy novel, a different culture, don't be such a prissy bitch Kragan!
The pain begins now, whomever wants to get out of this wild ride do so now. May god have mercy on ye who enter.