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Lets Talk About Our Lives

Phoenix0995

Member
I just got back from playing trombone at one college basketball tournament, and on Wednesday, I'll be getting on a bus to another.

All of this is while Warframe has... uh... several things going on and I'm supposed to be working on a programming project. At least I'm on spring break right now.

...which I can't say for the NCAA basketball tournament, but I don't know if I'm going to the first round of that one yet. I'll find out on Tuesday.
 

Mondor

The Freak
Can I be honest? I hate my throat. I genuinely think it's defective. I may love being alive in this time, but I'm jealous of my descendants because they'll have cybernetic implants and widespread, easy gene-editing.
 

Baron Steakpuncher

Proletarian Puncher of Steaks
Author
My family had a leftover steak after dinner so I gave it to the neighbours dog that I walk. I didn't think it was possible for dogs to have bugeyes but she sure looked excited when I held it over the fence.
 

Erwin_Pommel

Kill all fluffy wuffy bunnies
Temp Banned
@Erwin_Pommel is my giving the steak to the dog... bad or something?
Yes, that steak had a wife and family and you sold them to a cruel slave owner from beyond the great Oaken Wall of Fence.

Admittedly I don't really use the same username over the various places...
Then why bring up your multi-site usage as a point concerning me not knowing you are Chinese if you know that my chances of knowing another guy is you is practically zero?
 

Baron Steakpuncher

Proletarian Puncher of Steaks
Author
Yes, that steak had a wife and family and you sold them to a cruel slave owner from beyond the great Oaken Wall of Fence.


Then why bring up your multi-site usage as a point concerning me not knowing you are Chinese if you know that my chances of knowing another guy is you is practically zero?
Oh thank god I thought I'd actually said something to offend you.

NM, carry on.
 

Mark Poe

The majestic cock
Author
Then why bring up your multi-site usage as a point concerning me not knowing you are Chinese if you know that my chances of knowing another guy is you is practically zero?
Because I also don't really try to keep those accounts all that seperate and quite a few people know all of them already.
 

V4Guss

Well-known member
Author
Been feeling down since Friday... I really don't want to take my meds anymore, haven't taken them since Sunday. Recent dentist appointment told me yet another issue with the side effects of the medication I'm on, dry mouth causing tartar build up and potential increased likelihood of tooth decay. Before that I had my psych appointments Friday. I've realized why I get so anxious and depressed when going to those things, it's reminding me of the fact that something's wrong with me and confronting me about it directly. It feels like all my psych appointments are to me at this point is going through the motions to get my medication that will keep me stable and calm. The doctors and getting committed never really helped.

In the time I've been dealing with mental health professionals, I realize I've gotten more withdrawn and have more negative feelings around people. The drugs just turn down the volume, they've never made any of my symptoms go away completely. It's always there. I even told my prescribing doctor and therapist I don't expect to get better anymore, been dealing with mental health professions for a few years and I feel like I've gotten worse. I feel like the best I can hope for is not to get worse.

Also went to a fish stew competition with my dad Saturday. It's annual and we've been going for the past 2-3 years. It's not that bad, though I brought a flask to keep myself calm last year. We both had forgotten and he just remembered it so he sprung it on me at that last minute. I really did not want to go, but I have difficulty saying no to people and I feel obligated since he's my father. I was miserable the entire time, depressed and anxious. The event also made me realize I have anxiety involved with eating in front of strangers (though I'll admit I hate the physical need of eating and have anxieties just over that).

I don't think my life is going anywhere, I don't have a satisfactory purpose, doubt I ever will, and there doesn't seem to be a reason for me to be here. It's not wanting die... it's just not wanting to be here. I'm tired of this. It's been rolling around in my head a lot since Friday that 2020 might be the year. I'll be thirty and I expect I'm going to get worse after that. Besides the side effects from my medications are probably going to knock 10-20 years off my lifespan anyway. It's like, "These medications will help stop you from killing yourself and alleviate negative feelings, but there's a good chance they're also going to give you one or more of the following: diabetees, cardiovascular disease, weight gain, tardive dyskinesia and we're not going to tell you any of this upfront unless you ask first. Oh and by the way don't take these with any other serotonergic drugs or it will kill you horribly, so good bye to those hallucinogens which have given you the only transcendental spiritual experiences in your life. Our drugs are better and we know better for you, so take them and you'll be a good/better person. Never mind that they eventually stop working or the unpleasant side effects or all those potential health problems or that you feel less like your real self when on them, we know better for you. Since they stop working or you have these unpleasant side effects we also have the option of putting you on what is effectively a drug treadmill in the hope we find the right thing and those drugs may also have more unpleasant side effects and might actually make you worse such as they have in the past, but we'll get it right eventually."

I've tired of all this mental health bullshit that doesn't make me better. I'm tired of all this. It feels like my body and this world are dragging down my consciousness, my mind, my soul. The thing I want the most is freedom from these things. At times it feels like I was never meant to be here.
 
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