What's new
Frozen in Carbonite

Welcome to FiC! Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!

Healing Light (Exalted/ Modern World AU)

Whoah man. I got a second draft for the robber bit.

He had been following the woman for a week, now.

She was working at the local K-mart, often overtime. And after that, taking the same route; the same shortcut, through the derelict areas of the city. He had been watching her since she caught his eyes since the day he went out for groceries. Black, middle-aged, and not too attractive, with a daughter whom he had heard about from the grapevine. He had seen her once. She was most definitely not like her mother. Beautiful, in fact.

His grip tightened. The thirst was back, clawing at the back of his mind. He had to be careful. He had already grown careless once or twice, and the police had already gotten on his tail. He had gotten away by looking unassuming and average, and he had been released after a round of questioning... but his name and face was already on file.

But he didn't care. The itch was getting too much to bear. He had already gotten his fill of prostitutes and homeless druggies. Now was time for something more... exciting. Someone with a family. Someone who had another depending on her. Someone who had somebody waiting for her back home. But not too exciting. He needed to be discrete. So someone that no one would look for. Poor, black, single.

Someone whom he could steal the keys to her house from her cooling corpse after he'd had his fun, and then open the door, to find her child at night, all alone.

He slowly peeked past a corner, keeping his feet clear from debris, avoiding any noise that could announce his presence. His clothes blended with the shadows, always at a distance, tracking her footsteps echoing in the darkness as she walked on, oblivious to who was stalking her. The moon was already hidden by clouds, making it impossible to discern a human shape, nevermind one in dark clothes.

She hadn't looked back once, likely tired from a long day at work.

Idiot. Weak. Oblivious. Prey.

She was already halfway through the derelict area. The furthest possible distance from help, and he had made sure the area was clear of homeless or vagrants. Nobody to interfere, nor hear her scream in panick, or later, pain. Cops rarely entered this area. Now she was walking through the abandoned warehouses. Good. No sound went past them. He slowly took a step, legs tensing for a short sprint.

A hand grabbed his shoulder and turned him about. He whirled. The darkness and the sheer lack of people meant that this person meant nothing good. His mouth released a choked gasp, as something struck him in the solar plexus, knocking the wind out of him. His hands went over his abdomen, knees week, mouth gaping as if trying to gulp down the air denied him. His opponent was still there, fist extended.

A blow to the back of the head, slamming into him. He saw stars and in a haze of pain he turned around, eyes half-closed from the throbbing at the back of his skull. Two more figures had appeared, apparently barring his path to the woman even as he had been struck. But how? He was perceptive. They could not have found him by accident. The trash and architecture meant he would hear them. But that meant that... they were waiting for him. This was an ambush.....

He was grabbed, and he was flung into a dark alleyway, striking the ground and dislodging long-abandoned cans of beer and cigarette packs. Rats scurried away, frightened by this new interloper. He laid there, staring at the stars, groaning as he realized that several bones must have been broken.

Four figures stood above him, towering over his prone body. One of them raised something. He recognised it, from his hoodlum days. A baseball bat, with nails embedded within it.

The bat swung down.

Mike Angelo, murderer, serial killer, and suspected to be behind the disappearance for several women, died in an alley beside a defunct warehouse. Like his victims. Forgotten, abandoned, alone, and in the cold. His body would be found 3 days later, when a drunken hobo stumbled upon it.

Abigail Davis continued walking back to her home, humming a tune to herself, even as she imagined the hugs her daughter will give her when she got back.
 
Chapter 13
Hadriel, no last name, was sick. He had been sick the past few days. At first, it was a simple rumble in his stomach. And then, came the shakes. And then, there was the sweat.

He knew something was wrong. He knew something was going to be broken. And yet... he couldn't leave his family. He couldn't be taken away, and put away forever. He didn't want to be locked away. And so he took his spear, some food, and said that he was going on a hunting trip for venison.

Now, he was lying on the forest floor, his muscles like lead, his vision blurry. His spear was no more than a metre away from him, laying there after he had collapsed from sheer exhaustion. A day or so of walking from the camp, and his body had become too weak from the illness to continue any further. Now he lay there, sweating and burning, despairing over his fate.

Now he could do nothing, except save his loved one's life. To crawl over to that spear and slay himself with it. But it was no use. It was only a metre away, but that distance may as well have been measured in miles. Even as he stared at it in despair, his vision began to turn red. The veins in his eyes were starting to burst. He was at the final stage of the disease.

As Hadriel closed his eyes for the last time, he wept silently. For his foolishness. For his cowardice. For his friends. For his family. And then the last of his humanity slipped away, and darkness was replaced by burning rage

~

"By the ten thousand stars! Thank goodness we finally have something other than fish."

The exclamation was by Molten Stone, even as she dug into the food. Chocolates, which she had fallen in love with after the first bite, along with bread and veal. Several more courses were summoned, and then the tablecloth was taken to the rest of the camp to summon food for them.

"Say, I heard from Lamulis that you take odd jobs sometimes around. Why don't you just go to Malfeas, and just... go and ask them for help?" queried Pacifica. She had finished her soup, and was currently sitting at the table, watching Molten Stone eat.

Molten Stone frowned, and took another bite of the pork bun. "I don't know where you come from, but nobody, and I mean nobody, goes to demons for help that easily; At least not like that. Not even other demons." she washed it down with a round of sweet tea. "Even if I did, they said FiendFyre was notoriously difficult to cure, even for the higher demon lords, and that it could infect even them. So they tended to stay away. Besides, nothing comes for free. And a favor that I would owe them for curing my people, and making sure that the remainder are free of the illness? It would be unthinkable. So I was racking my brains. That is, until you came. Thanks again."

"No problem." replied Pacifica, glancing around at the room they were in. It was not a room. It was.... a tent. Woven from reeds and various other plant fibres. She recently assembled an entire warehouse's worth of cloth and textiles for their use. Her people worked fast; by the end of the day, they had assembled an entire tent for them to use. The place was cool and bright, light filtering through thinner portions of the fabric. Numerous patterns and murals covered the inner surface, murals of people, animals.... "So have you considered my idea."

Molten Stone simply frowned at that. She took out a... cigar? And started to smoke. That was her 3rd one. Pacifica felt torn. On one hand, she'd seen people have their lungs destroyed by smoking and other bad habits, and seen how others dealt with nicotine withdrawal. On the other hand, Molten Stone had crushing responsibilities, and a cursory glance told her that she was suffering from neither addiction nor damage to her lungs, missing the micro-tears in alveoli or the tar buildup characteristic in smokers. She took a simple drag, and breathed out a smoke cloud shaped like a bird.

"I have thought of it. Did you think I didn't? To simply say 'curse you, you ingrates', and then set up shop on my own? It is never so easy. I may have much resources. But even making a man a Merchant Prince doesn't give me enough resources to build an entire country. More than that, there's nothing here. No great resources. No trade routes. No absurdly fertile land".

"But there's a forest." said Pacifica, waving her arm around. The forest was certainly as dense as any rainforest in the Amazon or Southeast Asia.

"A trifle. You can find it anywhere. What are more important are jade deposits or the other magical materials." Molten Stone put her face in her hands, the cigar still between her fingers. "Arrrgghh... I don't want to think about this. Location, location, location. It is the key to everything."

"Yeah. But what about your own powers? Can't you do something about it?" said Pacifica. "I mean, I'm not bragging, but I am the greatest doctor I know. People come to me with broken limbs, and leave the next day walking. My soldiers were all once crippled by warfare, both mentally and physically, until I healed their wounds. I once met a woman with half of her skin burned off and scarred, and she walked out of my office physically perfect. I have cured the incurable, and fixed the unfixable. In other words, you have to leverage the one and only unique thing about your people. Yourself."

Molten Stone frowned. "Yeah, but what can we do....I don't think there's a great market for fish."

Pacifica raised a hand. "Ignoring just how far people will go for a good sized lobster or other kinds of rare fish... How about branching out?" she showed both her hands. "I didn't know how to snap my fingers and make stone and metal leap into the air and reform themselves. But I figured out how. My powers? They change all the time, getting stronger and better with use and practice. And I get more. And judging by how something on your forehead glows, and Lamulis calls both of us 'Exalted' I presume that it works for you too?'

Molten Stone shrugged, and flared, a sandstorm of green ash appearing around her along with a silver hourglass on top of her head. "Yeah, I think it does."

"That means we have options".

A contemplative look entered Molten Stone's face. "So what do you think, then?"

"You can do finance," said Pacifica, remembering one of the things which required no natural resources to carry out. 'Maybe research and development. Scholarship is a thing, considering what you can teach people," she said, gesturing at her friend. "And maybe manufacturing."

"Manufacturing?" asked Molten Stone, confused. "But aren't those usually right next to the resource extraction sites? How will it ever be profitable to make here?"

Pacifica simply shrugged, remembering how her own home city was devastated. "Well, you can always lower work safety requirements and pay them lower salaries. I'm sure that many businesses would love that." Then she saw the look on the girl's face. "Alternatively, just try harder. We know that your powers can affect large areas. And there's a spell for blessing a factory floor to let it produce greater quality goods."

"You want me to create a factory world, so people would come to me so I can make things for them." the girl sat back, leaning into the cushions around her. "I can... imagine that. Monotonous labour is certainly something my people are used to. None of the lower work safety, though. We've had enough of that."

"Urgh, yeah, let's not talk about that." said Pacifica, feeling rather abashed. Darn it, girl, stop putting your foot in your mouth.

"No worries. Now, about the medicine.... Obviously, thank you for curing the current victims. But I must ask you to check the rest as well, for any potential carriers."

"Is it that bad?" asked Pacifica. "Not because I don't want to. But because there are several million people. So...."

"That's because you haven't seen it with your own eyes. The things...." Molten Stone shuddered. "The weakest of them could kill a dozen people. The strongest could kill far more. And the survivors have to be checked and anything potentially contaminated has to be burned. A single outbreak is a lot of trouble. A lot of trouble."

~

A screaming roar echoed throughout the camp, cutting through the discussion. Molten Stone bolted up, immediately running faster than the human eye could follow, exiting the camp, running straight towards the sound. Pacifica exited after her, staring at the location where she had run to. She whistled, and gestured to her soldiers. The men were already grabbing at their rifles, and then-

"Stop, stop, stop!" a voice took their attention, coming from a man running up to them. He was dressed in a blue and black cloak, and he held his hands up, gesturing for them to wait.

"What for?" asked Pacifica, annoyance bleeding into her voice.

"Our Lady has told you to make sure that her guests are safe and sound, and not to be harmed." said the man, looking over at her and her soldiers. "She told me to keep you away from any outbreaks that may have occurred. And only come by after the attack is over."

"That's bullshit. Someone's in danger. We can't just leave them like that." said Pacifica. Then she pointed at her soldiers, holding up their grenade launchers. "Besides, I have more than enough firepower with me."

The man simply shook his head. "No, I'm afraid not. New people coming into the chaos of battle only causes complications. Our lady will win. It is foreordained. But how many casualties we'll suffer from the battle is something to be seen."

"What happens if we don't listen to you?" said one of the soldiers, stepping forward. "What happens if we just push through?"

The man let his arms down. "Then I have done my duty, and I cannot bar you by force. Have a good day."

"Well, that's enough talk, then." said Pacifica. She heard another scream, closer this time. 8 years old, in great pain and panic. "Well, let's move out!"

~

A fire had already started when they got there, likely due to a knocked over cooking stove. The flames had spread across the tents, setting them ablaze.She could already smell the stench of burning flesh, mixing in with the acrid tang of the smoke. Around her were shattered boxes of supplies, clothes, and assorted rubbish.

She went past a row of tents, her soldiers following behind, and she saw it.

It landed from the sky, its landing knocking over several poles and tents still standing after the previous rampage. She could see a flare of green fire, a hundred metres back. Molten Stone of Blazing Fire. The creature was huge, lumbering, with gigantic twisted muscles, and rags that were the remnants of the poor sap that he used to be. Its skin was yellowed, bulging, and warted, and sported several cauterized wounds on its arms and torso, likely a consequence of Molten Stone's attack.

It glared at her, and in its eyes, she saw.... something. It growled, and threw something at her. It was a corpse. A young girl's body, her eyes wide open in shock. Her mouth leaking blood. Her ribcage and her arms were crushed. And -

Correction. Half a girl's body. The girl's entrails and guts hung out on the ground before Pacifica, mixing in with the leaking blood like a demented butcher shop with sausages. As she watched, two tears fell from the girl's eyes, finally shaking free of their owner. The last ones she would ever shed.

The monster snorted, as if in laughter, and stood up, making itself look bigger. The gesture was unmistakable. A challenge.

Pacifica screamed up to the heavens, a roar to the heavens. She leapt forward towards the beast, her eyes fixed on its face. Her fists clenched, and she cocked her hand back to swing....

She was flying through the air, a sharp pain in her left side. And as the surrounding scenery blurred past her, she felt her back crash into things, shattering them, until she came to a stop.

The last thing she saw, was something sticking out of her chest. A tent pole she realized, before all went dark.

~

Frederick saw his boss being sent flying by the Yellow Hulk.

Stuck on an alien world, with no backup, no reinforcements. Their principle likely either dead or out of the fight, fighting something that was likely a demon. He had been in truly shitty situations. Like that time he was trapped in a building with several of his buddies while 3 dozen taliban charged in with guns drawn. But this... this could be worse.

He could be alone.

The boss went down, sent flying away. A bunch of guys went after her, sprinting past the beast. The monster growled, turned... and turned back to the men currently shooting at it, spittle flying from its mouth even as it charged towards them, ignoring the .50 calibre bullets slamming into its thick hide.

"Damn it!"

"The legs! The legs!"

The shots went low, and the monster stumbled, the two limbs that was supporting its body rapidly disintegrating underneath the barrage of firepower directed towards its limbs. Slowed, but not stopped.

A shout: "Grenades! Grenades!"

The monster roared, even as the bottom of its body was engulfed in fire, specialized munitions meant to destroy tough flesh and do little collateral damage. The smoke covered its location, and some men sighed with relief, their grip on their weapons loosening.

Only for the beast to burst from the smoke cover, its speed scarcely slowed down. Its legs were destroyed, but that didn't stop it from crawling on the ground using its arms like some kind of demented, deformed baby. It roared, and it closed the distance, moving in leaps and bounds, the stink of hot flesh heralding its arrival. 20 metres. 10 metres. 5 metres. Someone was screaming to reload the grenades, even as shot after shot was pumped into it, enough firepower to turn an entire battalion into mincemeat barely slowing it down. Its arms reached out, and....

Something fell from the sky. Something in a pink dress, glowing red and yellow. It was the girl, only she was changed. She didn't look like some slip of a girl, half their height, brown skinned and red haired, with a shy look on her face. No, her teeth were bared, her mouth resembling that of a shark than any human's her skin glowed molten red and yellow, and a set of spiralling red horns stuck out from the side of her head. She slammed from the sky like an artillery shell. He feet struck the monster as it was crawling towards them, and the impact threw them to the ground, knocking down the last few standing tents and sending cracks spreading from the point of impact.

And then, she lifted up a halberd, as tall as any of them, and swung, neatly separating the monster's head from its body. And a microsecond later, flames erupted from the blade, consuming the girl, the monster, and the area around them in a firestorm of green flame that whirled and twisted upon itself, briefly blinding them in the evening light with its intensity.

And then, as abruptly as it appeared, the firestorm ceased, shrinking down to nothing. The girl was there, standing there in her pink dress, and around her, ash was settling down from the air.

The battle was over.
 
Last edited:
Oi, @Mashadarof402 I"m not too satisfied with this, but fuck it.

I can see why. Pacing's a bit of a mess. I'd move the sick guy's scene (2nd one) to the start, then join the first and third together. It would flow better that way IMO.

The statement was by Molten Stone, even as she dug into the food.

Should be exclamation since you used an exclamation mark for her actual words.

Chocolates, which she had fallen in love with after the first bite, and bread, and veal.

along with bread and veal

The meal was taken in, and after the first few courses were summoned, the food-summoning table cloth was shared out to the rest of the camp.

After the first few courses were summoned and eaeten

Your sentence ordering was awkward.

and just... go and ask them for help?" asked Pacifica.

You've already got one 'ask', so replace the bolded with queried or questioned

And a faovor that I would owe them for curing my people,

favour

She had built it recently, for tents.

as additional housing

When you add 'for' it usually means for someone or some purpose. And you don't 'build' tents. They're set up. Or in this case assembled

Do you think I didn't?

Did and never considered it respectively.

Our powers? They change all the time, getting stronger and better with use and practice. And we get more. That means that we have options."

This looks like an ass pull? How does she know what Molten Stone has is similar at all to hers in flexibility and growth potential?

A screaming roar echoed throughout the camp, even as they were talking.

cutting through their discussion

'even as they were talking' makes it sound like the screamer was very rude and should have waited his turn.

"Stop, stop, stop!" a voice took their attention, coming from a man running up to them.

"What's it for?" asked Pacifica, annoyance bleeding into her voice.

Why

He's not handing them anything that they would be asking "what's it for" about. So why is the proper question to use instead.

"Besides, I have firepower with me."

have more than enough firepower

But how many casualties are caused is something to be seen."

we'll suffer

Casualties 'are caused' makes it sound like Molten Stone's other name is Ms Collateral Damage.

They were already there. A fire had started, likely due to knocking over a cooking stove. Fires spread across the tents, setting them ablaze.

... This one needs a tad more fixing.

A fire had already started when they got there, likely due to a knocked over cooking stove. The flames had spread across the tents, setting them ablaze.

She went past a row of tents, her soldiers following after her, and saw it.

her soldiers following behind, and she saw it.

Its skin was yellowed, bulging, and warted, and sported several cauterized wounds on , likely a consequence of Molten Stone's attack.

on what?

As she watched, two tears fell from the girl's eyes, finally shaking free of their owners.

owner

Singular.

The last ones she will ever shed.

would

Past tense, it already happened.

The monster snorted, as if in laughter, and stood up, making itself look better.

Better? Really? Did it take out a comb and groom its hair too?

Did you mean bigger?

Gabriel saw his boss being sent flower by the Yellow Hulk.

My god, it is trying to seduce her.

He had his issues. Being born in Kansas, he had joined the army, earning medal after medal. After losing half the functionality in his legs, and his parents having lost their savings, he had refused to be a burden on them, living with his friends and siblings, bouncing from home to home.

That was until they had enough, and told him to get out.

Living on the streets... not worse than his time in the field. No, what's worse was the fact that this would never end. There was no warm home at the end of this to look forward to. No barracks and mates to watch your back. Just him, his busted knees, and a pack of clothes.

He jumped to it when Frederick came over. Good old Frederick... came over and told him that there was hope for him, even after his busted legs. A hiring position, considering his own talents. A cure for his busted legs. And a bunch of other guys who'll be his friend. The best equipment money could buy.

He had baulked, at first. New guys? New legs? That doesn't sound normal. That sounded like black ops, or some kind of foreign outfit that was taking in guys like him so they can get more info on the American military. He had voiced his concerns, in the dark and damp alley where Frederick had tracked him down.

"But darn it, I still don't get it. The doctors said my legs won't be running again. Who's going to fix them? And why me, of all people? Who's hiring? Russia? Some blackwater outfit. Because I didn't learn how to shoot just to - "

"Now hold on. This isn't something about the Russians, or some private company force, or some other shit like guarding a rich Saudi prince. This is weirder. A lot weirder. And I promise you, any kind of guess you'll have, is wrong."

Frederick was right. It was weird. The silver desert with the black sky was something that freaked him out, but he could get over it, since there didn't seem to be any danger. That entrance into the green city, though... he would never quite get over his surprise. Of seeing cities in the sky, or a green coloured sun, or the sheer number of aliens he saw. And it was aliens. He swore he saw a cloud with arms sticking out, once.

And so he had been out of his depth, constantly, rattling him. He was special forces. He should be better. Instead, he was carted off to this kind of weird shit. From weird food, to that talking jewel horse, to walking through deserts that sprang from nowhere in the middle of the city. Always wondering what new surprise would be here, or if he'll be able to survive the weird shit that this place threw at him. Information was key, after all, and he lacked it sorely.

This chunk here? It breaks flow really badly. Spending an hour talking while the baddie just sits patiently level of bad. At most it should have been concised to a single short paragraph, or moved to a much earlier segment when they were doing character interaction.

You don't pull out long flashbacks in the middle of an action scene.

But now? There was no unpleasant surprise. There was no alien landscape. There was no doing shit in a hostile territory with no backup.

They are on an alien world, with no backup, fighting against a demon, and their principle plus way out presumably dead.

This quoted statement does not match reality at all.

:s

"Aim for the legs, aim for the legs! And hope this mother fucker slows down!"

Too much talking. Combat like this, you have seconds to act or die.

Telling grenade launchers to hit its legs.

You don't tell the grenade launcher anything so...

Calling for grenade fire against its legs

enough firepower to turn an entire battalion into mincemeat

A battalion is 300-800 soldiers. That's some pretty heavy use of artistic license for what amounts to a squad sized group of what, 30 people?

And a microsecond later, a fire exploded, the flames consuming the girl,

flames erupted, consuming the girl

You really need to find a beta to go over your work.
 
The better question to ask is this.

Do you want to involve the larger multiverse or not?

If not, then your protagonist remains the only way off world. Public awareness is minimal, even if the soldiers bring back selfies and/or souvenirs.

If you want to involve the larger multiverse, then basically a large scale incursion happens because someone left a trail and someone decided to follow.

Though fair warning, that pretty much kills my interest in the story at that point because it'll rapidly spiral beyond the initial pitch of a lone exalted on Earth.
 
The better question to ask is this.

Do you want to involve the larger multiverse or not?

If not, then your protagonist remains the only way off world. Public awareness is minimal, even if the soldiers bring back selfies and/or souvenirs.

If you want to involve the larger multiverse, then basically a large scale incursion happens because someone left a trail and someone decided to follow.

Though fair warning, that pretty much kills my interest in the story at that point because it'll rapidly spiral beyond the initial pitch of a lone exalted on Earth.
OK. A question.

1. Why do you think that there's a large scale incursion?

2. Rapid spiral?
 
OK. A question.

1. Why do you think that there's a large scale incursion?

2. Rapid spiral?

1: You asked how the multiverse would become known to the world at large. If you don't want to involve the multiverse with Earth, then that means most of the interactions will solely be between your MC and whatever she journeys to. Barring her starting a tourist agency, most such claims of otherworldly visits will be dismissed out of hand as pranks.

If you involve the multiverse with Earth, in some fashion that it becomes undeniable, then it falls back to the incursion thing. Either as an invasion, trade fleet or formal meeting by some extra-dimensional power.

2: Basically by involving the multiverse with earth and all that entails, the sheer amount of content threatens to bury the MC under, making it less about her and more about the aliens.
 
1: You asked how the multiverse would become known to the world at large. If you don't want to involve the multiverse with Earth, then that means most of the interactions will solely be between your MC and whatever she journeys to. Barring her starting a tourist agency, most such claims of otherworldly visits will be dismissed out of hand as pranks.

If you involve the multiverse with Earth, in some fashion that it becomes undeniable, then it falls back to the incursion thing. Either as an invasion, trade fleet or formal meeting by some extra-dimensional power.
Hmm.....

I had an idea. Dragonblooded matriarch that specced in social and performance. Her favourite grandchildren were struck by a deadly disease. Rare, difficult to cure, and they don't have high level medicine charms.

So in need of the greatest doctor, they go to earth, seeking out the medicine supernal.

Problem. They don't quite realize that it's a world that has never gotten first contact. Such things are incredibly rare, and being in such a hurry upon confirmation of her abilities, they didn't think that the total lack of info was something to worry about.

That doesn't change the fact that a mile long silver ship, powered by the Magical Materials and invisible to radar. And calling for Pacifica. Very loudly. By name.

Still not sure what to do after that.

2) I can always put it inside other side stories or apocrypha. What I'm looking for is idea brainstorming
 
I just realized something. In the case that multiverse is exposed, or Molten Stone simply walks around into America.... there's a case for immensely strong political influence here. Think about it. Molten Stone can destroy or stymie any attempts to slow her down or investigate her own patsies for corruption. Meanwhile, she can use her own powers to push her pawns into positions of wealth and influence. Imagine multi-billionaires pushing her goals, or powerful figures like Bernie Sanders or charismatic cult leaders under her command.
 
The question to ask then is, why didn't she do it while she was in the refugee camp?

As for the dragonblooded matriarch, I take it they completely failed at subtlety.

Not buying the invisible to radar thing though. Not unless it's specifically built with stealth charms or what have you because even non-metallic stuff shows up on radar (even birds can show up on sensitive radar sets). Which defeats the purpose of using it as a gigantic megaphone.
 
The question to ask then is, why didn't she do it while she was in the refugee camp?
Hmm.... maybe I can simply have it so that even money and political influence couldn't let her bring in millions of people who are possible carriers of an incredibly deadly disease. It would be like in the middle ages, and someone city-king tried to let in a group of people who were known to carry the black death among them, only if the black death also turned people into monster zombies.

As for the dragonblooded matriarch, I take it they completely failed at subtlety.

Not buying the invisible to radar thing though. Not unless it's specifically built with stealth charms or what have you because even non-metallic stuff shows up on radar (even birds can show up on sensitive radar sets). Which defeats the purpose of using it as a gigantic megaphone.
You're right. I forgot about that one. Fine then, put it out as 'big ship, floating in the sky' then.

By the way, did you link to the SB thread?
 
Hmm.... maybe I can simply have it so that even money and political influence couldn't let her bring in millions of people who are possible carriers of an incredibly deadly disease. It would be like in the middle ages, and someone city-king tried to let in a group of people who were known to carry the black death among them, only if the black death also turned people into monster zombies.

The problem is that doing it on Earth runs into the same problems. Ok, they're not plague carriers anymore, but that's still millions of alien refugees with strange powers that can be used to subvert their government structures.

People are going to want assurances before they even allow them to step foot on their soil uncontested.

By the way, did you link to the SB thread?

No, I figured anyone who was still interested in following the story would have migrated over by now after the last two links I put up.
 
The problem is that doing it on Earth runs into the same problems. Ok, they're not plague carriers anymore, but that's still millions of alien refugees with strange powers that can be used to subvert their government structures.

People are going to want assurances before they even allow them to step foot on their soil uncontested.
No no no. You misunderstand.

I mean in a hypothetical case that the United States, or anywhere on Earth wants to do shit against Molten Stone and her people or if Pacifica calls onto her for help. Like, say, if Molten Stone wishes to carry out trade with Earth, and say, appoints several advocates to argue for her cause in Washington. Being able to instantly train them up in persuasion and make them rich is something that's really useful. Or, say, if Pacifica asks her to stonewall any attempt to conscript her into governmental service.

No, I figured anyone who was still interested in following the story would have migrated over by now after the last two links I put up.
Eh, I asked them. They don't want to make a new account just for one story.
 
No no no. You misunderstand.

I mean in a hypothetical case that the United States, or anywhere on Earth wants to do shit against Molten Stone and her people or if Pacifica calls onto her for help. Like, say, if Molten Stone wishes to carry out trade with Earth, and say, appoints several advocates to argue for her cause in Washington. Being able to instantly train them up in persuasion and make them rich is something that's really useful. Or, say, if Pacifica asks her to stonewall any attempt to conscript her into governmental service.

Oh, you're talking about a stealth arrival. Different story then I suppose. Blending in might be an issue though.

Eh, I asked them. They don't want to make a new account just for one story.

*sigh*

Ok, done. I've also told them there's the mirror on QQ.
 
Oh, you're talking about a stealth arrival. Different story then I suppose. Blending in might be an issue though.
Yeah. I mean, Molten Stone's got that ebon dragon charm that lets her impersonate nearly anybody. She can literally just sit in the corner, being some unobtrusive aid, and use super-senses to grant wishes to guys complaining.

"Good god, i wish I was rich."

"good god, I wish I got promoted. I've been working here for 20 years, and that guy who's 10 years my junior and worked for 3 weeks got promoted"

"Why can't anyone listen to me? I thought I was pretty convincing."

So long and so forth. Until her pawns and patsies just fill any organisation, holding positions of power... until Molten Stone asks them for a favor.
 
The homeless situation would be nice to see. If only to get a birds eye view picture of how life in the projects is turning around thanks to her efforts.
 
The homeless situation would be nice to see. If only to get a birds eye view picture of how life in the projects is turning around thanks to her efforts.
I'm thinking of half a dozen people sitting around a fire, talking about their lives, their views, and what they think of Pacifica. Is that good?
 
I'm thinking of half a dozen people sitting around a fire, talking about their lives, their views, and what they think of Pacifica. Is that good?

No, that's too much telling and not enough showing.

IMO, you would be better off doing small slice of life scenes of the various people going through their lives with contrasts to how it used to be.

Alternatively, you can start off with a single POV, but the first short scene will be life before Pacifica, then subsequent ones will be as life improves under her actions. Doesn't have to be big miraculous changes either. Part of a good show of change is when you incorporate the little things in life.

e.g. the first scene would be them as a cripple. The next would be them walking without pain. The one after will be them doing something more vigorous as they start to shift gears from just existing to truly living.
 
No, that's too much telling and not enough showing.

IMO, you would be better off doing small slice of life scenes of the various people going through their lives with contrasts to how it used to be.

Alternatively, you can start off with a single POV, but the first short scene will be life before Pacifica, then subsequent ones will be as life improves under her actions. Doesn't have to be big miraculous changes either. Part of a good show of change is when you incorporate the little things in life.

e.g. the first scene would be them as a cripple. The next would be them walking without pain. The one after will be them doing something more vigorous as they start to shift gears from just existing to truly living.
That's a good idea.
 
PUtting down a thing, before I forget it. I'm really wondering what it would be like if Pacifica was born somewhere else, and same way, got a solar exaltation.



What if she was in Russia? Would she find herself facing down corrupt oligarchs, wondering whether to break them, take over, or to join their ranks? What if she was to be in Southeast Asia? Would there be an entire new trade deal? What if she was in the poorer parts of Africa? Would there be a new religion, based around her? What if she was in Britain? Would the British government crow about her power, using her as part of the propaganda effort against the EU?



Finding herself in some country that's often been the butt of jokes from foreigners, like in South America or some other poorer country, might cause her to take a more pro-active stance. A company that has an unstable government as well as a dictatorship based upon military forced might find itself getting toppled and overthrown since Pacifica would simply decide that the best way to help everyone would be to take over the place. Besides, being poor and vulnerable in the US simply means getting shot by the police, unfair treatment, and whatnot. Being a poor minority elsewhere easily leads to relocations, genocide, and mass shootings. It's quite possible that someone might decide that Pacifica's mother has to die for being the wrong ethnic group/ religion/ gender/ eye colour and Pacifica takes issue with that.



Someone with superpowers taking over a place is probably going to make everybody believe that she's the figurehead, the equivalent of Kim Jong-Un's propaganda about him being born underneath a rainbow and being able to turn sand into grain. Let's see now....



Obviously, since she's the ruler now, she has to do the basic shit. In other words, make sure that everyone is capable of eating, and being healthy. Craftsman needs no tools probably means that she can create houses specially designed for large numbers of people and housing them comfortably. The focus on sorcery would allow her to conjure food and bless land to give immense harvests, regardless of the lack of fertiliser and pesticides. Adding to the spells to mass control weather, and you got the start of an imperial cult here. Occult charms to specially 'bless' her loyal followers, meaning that being one of her subordinates not only grants you access to the world's best healthcare but also means that you might gain access to supernatural powers. Might. But its a hell of a thing to dangle in front of somebody.



Having servants who can control the weather and summon the harvest is something that's really going to make eyes turn on you, that's for sure. Not to ignore the effect of summoning elementals and demons. What with not having a strong focus on the abrahamic religions and their demonizing of stuff, I can see mass summonings, with spirits used as guards, security, construction machines, and road builders. Having access to the ability to gain insane harvests and guarantee a strong, stable, food supply, from land (that she probably nationalized, pissing off numerous people). The GMOs will probably come later, being the queen and all probably meaning that she can just push it through people's complaints and fears of it being tainted. Whether or not they'll eat it is another thing.



America probably doesn't really do much. At least, they probably try to put in spies, infiltrators, and try to woo the sorcerers to their side... and probably succeed a few times. The next few times after that, would probably lead to a lockdown and probably more choosing of loyal soldiers to the regime. With additional implants to compensate for choosing loyalty over competence. They probably don't do much, until they realize that: 1. She has access to weapons-grade nuclear material by dint of her abilities. 2. That she's trying to make herself a world power, as solars are wont to do. I'm not quite sure how America would react to this, but it's probably not very clever what with the gutting of their state department.



Let's see... possible plot points:



Doctor for hire: There's one person who can cure multiple scelerosis/ late stage cancer/ alzheimers/ whatever incurable disease there is. And it's her. Set up a multinational corporation, funneling the rich and powerful to her, using a bureaucracy and negotiators to obtain much-needed funds that belong to her and her alone. Use her crafting charms to make up the difference (making wines, food, and whatnot). Use plastic surgery on patsies, making them far more persuasive (I'm sure that a medicine supernal can create someone with appearance over 5). Use this to network.



Nuclear warhead armed and ready: There's a great level of difficulty in obtaining nukes, and building a nuclear power station. There's the issue of obtaining the design. There's the issue of obtaining the materials. And there's the problem of building it. With crafting charms materials and design isn't the problem. And since this is a superior project, Craftsman needs no tools is useful, but not the be-all and end-all. It would take scientists and engineers months to years to design a nuclear power station. A solar with the right charms could probably take half an hour. Now the problem is building it.... It's time for outsourcing.



What are you, precisely: There's always the question of how the girl with magic powers popped up. Either magic, superscience, aliens, or whatnot. There's probably going to be a mad scramble to figure out where she got it. Her DNA's probably going to be a target, what with people still wondering what she is. They'll find nothing. The truth is stranger than what they suspect, so it's a question of when they'll ever believe it.



Adding to the above post, what if Pacifica was born British, and seeks to start up the empire again, just like in the old colonial days? What if she was born in a small town in Italy, and seeks to make Europe the Hegemon over the world?



How would the rest of the world react to the EU boasting of having the only superhuman on earth within their borders and working for them? Or maybe.... argh, hell. I ran out of ideas
 
Back
Top Bottom