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By the power of Walmart! (an isekai short story)

intro & part 1

Mark Poe

The majestic cock
Author
So I guess this is gonna be my second crack at the isekai genre, something closer to the traditional type. It's also a comedy of sorts (at least to start), as if I would ever write a serious story of this nature. As usual this will be released in parts, to be updated whenever I pump out enough words.

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By the power of Walmart!
An original isekai short story​

Jeff (that’s his American name anyways, but it’s not like anyone outside of his family calls him by his original name these days) work up with a start, his mouth wide open but the sounds refuse to come out. A silent echo of the pain from the last events of his recollection. He was strolling past that construction site back on Shady Oaks st, come to think it, was it more like an abandoned site since it was there for as long as he remembered. Then the grey van swerved towards his direction…

Wait, where the heck is he at now? It sure wasn’t in a hospital bed, the air doesn’t have the stench of whatever that sanitation thingys those places always had. Not to mention whatever he’s lying on certainly wasn’t bedding. It was way too damn uncomfortable to be any kind of bed or even sleeping bag.

It was dirt, he was lying on a floor of forest, the kind with the trees that are not pines, those trees that shed their leaves in the fall. Not that he ever cared much for such details, being at least a couple of generations removed from living lives of rural existence. Ew, nature, the filthy, disgusting nature. There’s a damn reason why he stayed away from the outdoors, and rarely ventured outside the city.

It seemed weird it took such a long time to figure out the obvious discrepancies in reality, but in his defense, things like being run over by a van does knock a few screws loose…

‘Hang on, am I in a bloody isekai scenario?’ Jeff thought to himself. Then came the follow up thought was seemly petty at the time. ‘And it wasn’t even a truck! A mesely van! Don’t they know who he is?!?’

A crazy leap of logic perhaps, but then again getting slammed by a van probably didn’t do much to help his mental facilities, not that they were all there to begin with. Just another 20 something loser working at an dead end not real job, drifting through life fantasizing about doing things he could never do, to places always out of reach. Just another sad example among countless others of his generation. Half victim of social-economic circumstances of the times, and half perpetrators of their own wallowing.

Then he stood up, dusted himself off, and… just stood there. He has no idea where the heck he’s at. It’s not like he has a map or even a sense of direction. Who needs those skills in the big city anyways? When every smartphone has a GPS for crying out loud?

Speaking of which, he should be getting his bearings. He reached for his phone… and his hands came up empty. Just great, now how the heck is he suppose to find the nearest highway?

Then he realized the utter alienness of the noise around him. He was completely surrounded by nature, not just as was in rural areas, where the nearest road being a couple of miles away. Now he noticed that he couldn’t even hear the reassuring sounds of cars and trucks going to and fo. He’s now truly outside of his comfort zone. Alone in who knows where…

… he’s really in an isekai scenario. Okay, sure there’s no indication of the supernatural or anything that would actually suggest such a thing except for the sudden change of his surroundings. Heck, the surrounding are still perfectly normal earth type as far as he could tell, not that he has been out in nature since high school, almost a decade ago...

Well then, there’s only one way to check, by accessing the JRPG style screens that should totally pop up.

He reached out his right hand, concentrated in his mind, and lo and behold, a screen popped out, just like in all those isekai stories he religious read in his free time.

However, it wasn’t a JRPG or even visual novel style screen that appeared, but that of a… is that a Walmart online shopping homepage?

…...

WHAT IS THIS CRAP?!?

He’s stuck in a different universe and all he has is access to Walmart? How the heck is he suppose to slay the baddies and save the world with low tier crap from the joke of American consumerism. The store in which only his coworker John was desperate enough to go on a regular basis, and he only goes there to buy chips and candy in bulk. That fat bastard, he would have a much happier time with this crap.

He cracked a smile, suddenly realizing that with himself being gone, John could kiss goodbye his chance of having an off day from work for the foreseeable future. Good, let that bastard suffer, lord knows he needs to be put in his place, always cheerful and happy-go-lucky about his life even if he’s in the same lot as the rest.

Well, looks like he’s stuck in one of those gimmicky isekai stories then...

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Mark Poe

The majestic cock
Author
Jeff is one of those people that gets dirty looks from others IRL, is he?
Pretty much.

He's more of a somewhat less sympathetic version of a waiter in any generic Asian restaurants in the US, and it's all but explicitly stated that he's an ABC (american born chinese) rather than a FOB (fresh off the boat).

Although I don't think he even has enough of a presence to be noticed on an average day TBH...
 

Mark Poe

The majestic cock
Author
Not in America, perhaps. I've seen his like in Malaysia before. Nasty little buggers.
Oh? Tell me more.

(not even being sarcastic, given my experiences tend to be heavily American-centric, so I'd love to hear more about other points of views and experiences)
 

t-dugong

Beach bum, Esq.
Oh? Tell me more.

(not even being sarcastic, given my experiences tend to be heavily American-centric, so I'd love to hear more about other points of views and experiences)
An... ex co-worker for one. Fussy about his work and not in a good way, like being a perfectionist or always trying to do something better. No, fussy as in always complaining that we were pulling him down or overworking him or some other rot.

Snide too, the bugger. My boss used to have monthly meetings where the employees comment on how to make the workplace better. You know, half motivation and half suggestion/critique thing? He was free with his critiques but couldn't take one. Lucky I didn't work there for too long, might have had a fight with the dude.
 
part 2

Mark Poe

The majestic cock
Author
‘This has got to be some kind of sick joke.’ Jeff thought to himself as he continued to fiddle around the screen, scrolling through page after page. For all intent and purposes it was a Walmart supercenter in virtual form, specifically the one from his city, which only made it worse. He lived in a city in the deep south, where the number of Asians could be counted in one hand, all concentrated in the couple of Chinese Asian restaurants (of which the food are about as authentic as the bulk brought Made in America fortune cookies they hand out and the chicken nuggets and french fries kids meals).

In other words the most generic and bland of all Walmarts, where the idea of an international section consists of tacos and Sriracha cock sauce. There’s nothing of value for him, even when noticed the little bar on the top right hand corner (next to the clock, well, at least this piece of crap could tell the time) that says balance, the number next to it being a number 8 sideways. It took a minute to remember that’s a infinite symbol.

Well, at least doesn’t have to worry about money ever again… hang on, how is he supposed to access that money? Does this interface allow… oh no, not this.

Unlimited funds, but could only be spent stuff from this Walmart.

So this is what ironic hell looks like. Jeff sighed and sat down on the dirt ground again. He isn’t the MC of an isekai story, he’s the punchline of the joke. Not much difference from the workplace then. If there’s a god then he’s one cruel bastard sonofabitch.

It was only then that Jeff realized how much time has passed, or more relevantly how low the sun was already on its way setting into the horizon. He desperately begin to look around for any signs of an out.

……

FIve minutes later he give up on trying to find a way out of the seemingly endless forest. All the trees and grass look exactly like each other to his untrained eyes. He sat down on a random clearing, his spirit broken for the moment.

So this is how he’s going to die, not even the dignity of a quick death like with the van. Out here in the unknown by himself. For the first time in his short and miserable life he felt alone. Not merely alone in the physical sense (which quite frankly most of his generation are more than okay with), but truly alone, not even a connection to the all important internet.

Then his stomach growled, dragging him out of his wallowing in self-pity. Well, even if his forebrain give up on living there’s still his reptilian hindbrain, which didn’t really fancy dying of starvation.

Mechnically, as if by rote, he opened the interface again, and begin to purchase various foods. First out were the chips, candy, and soda, which after purchase simply materialized on the ground next to him. Not a cool materialization like in sci-fi or fantasy, just a simple ‘pop’ sound and the goods appeared. It was almost as if whatever entity that made this cheat power decided to skimp out on the visual effects. It seemed such a petty thing to be annoyed about but such is the nature of a person so obsessed with the petty things in life, if only for his mind to escape from the more pressing matter of life. It was just one of many reasons his life was aimless. Actually, it’s still pretty aimless for however little time it will last.

But while the junk food snacks were tasty enough, they were less than filling, and soon Jeff was forced to purchase some more food with actual substance. Then he realized that he doesn’t have anything to cook them with.

For the next half a hour he purchased a small mountain of equipment, machinery, and tools, most of which he could not use in any capacity. It was one thing to see an old buddy jury rig a TV and wifi to be powered by a car battery during a power outage brought upon by a winter storm, it was a whole matter to attempt to jury rig a microwave to a chain of car batteries. It was a small miracle that he didn’t accidentally kill himself in one of a thousand ways to die.

Unsurprisingly, his efforts were in vain, while the instructions on all the packaging were crisp and clear, designed so that even the dumbest of persons would not fail (because even they are at least smart enough to file lawsuits when they inevitably got their arse burnt through their sheer stupidity), most of them were not designed for functioning in in a world lacking in infrastructure.

In the end, Jeff remembered those things known as camping equipment, and after going through another little mountain of them through trial and error, finally managed to get a camping stove to work (it really shouldn’t be that hard to hook up a propane tank, but everything’s difficult the first time around in the hands of the completely inexperienced).

And then comes the actual cooking, yet another thing he has to learn on the spot for the first time in his life. Predictably, the results were vile by any standard, but the hungry stomach accepts all substance, regardless what the tongue voted. In the end, he was at least not hungry anymore, even if he wanted to rip his tongue out.

But now that the night had appeared, and the forest took on a far more forbidding look. Jeff groaned, now he has to find shelter, which wasn’t going to happen, which leaves making his own.

Once again he opened up the interface, this time to grab more camping equipment. Tents, sleeping bags, lanterns and flashlights, especially the last part, for the night in this world brought a darkness that he almost never truly experienced in his life, not of the fake ones that most urban people being used to, the ones over there at most, and often not all that there in the face of gratuitous public lighting of a city at night. To Jeff, the real, unfiltered night is a thing of pure terror, something to be held at bay with everything possible.

Maybe he overdid it, but after a few more exhausting hours (not to mention a series of ever more outrageous failures, which would have been hilarious if it was him watching it happening to someone else on the internet) he did managed to threw up a tent, an effort that would disgrace even a cub scout, but at least it was functional… or close enough. This hasn’t collapsed yet after all.

After that, it was all Jeff could do to crawl into the tent and into the sleeping bed, and within minutes he was out like a log…
 
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Mgunh1

Angry Pikachu
Huh, when you think about it, this is a pretty broken power. I mean, Walmart sells guns and ammo too.
And most isekais are medieval, even if they have magic to balance things.
A guy with a gun tends to beat a wizard in most fantasy settings.

Oh, and toilet paper. You will be a god amongst men for toilet paper alone.

Seriously, if you can't win an isekai with this power, you are a blithering idiot.
 

Mark Poe

The majestic cock
Author
Huh, when you think about it, this is a pretty broken power. I mean, Walmart sells guns and ammo too.
And most isekais are medieval, even if they have magic to balance things.
A guy with a gun tends to beat a wizard in most fantasy settings.

Oh, and toilet paper. You will be a god amongst men for toilet paper alone.
Oh, I'm well aware of how OP the power of walmart is. Hell, one of the inspiration for this story was a scenario I made asking "what if a walmart was ISOTed next to the Puritans?"
Seriously, if you can't win an isekai with this power, you are a blithering idiot.
Meanwhile in real life I have learned to never underestimate how stupid and ignorant (and lacking in skills) some people are. *sigh*
 

beast_regards

Well-known member
Oh, I'm well aware of how OP the power of walmart is. Hell, one of the inspiration for this story was a scenario I made asking "what if a walmart was ISOTed next to the Puritans?"

Meanwhile in real life I have learned to never underestimate how stupid and ignorant (and lacking in skills) some people are. *sigh*
Realistically, average person will lack relevant skills - survival training and general ability to live in wildness, ability to speak local language, combat training, technical expertise to actually build things from scratch - but it is unlikely they will be straight away retarded.
 

Mark Poe

The majestic cock
Author
Realistically, average person will lack relevant skills - survival training and general ability to live in wildness, ability to speak local language, combat training, technical expertise to actually build things from scratch - but it is unlikely they will be straight away retarded.
That's what I was trying to say... I don't think I can pull the 'English isn't my first language' these days... oops. XD
 

t-dugong

Beach bum, Esq.
Actually, aren't car and truck leaf springs made of 5160 steel? Those would stand you in good stead with any competent blacksmith you'll meet. Heck, the drillbits might as well be alchemy to them.
 
"WHAT IS THIS CRAP?!?

He’s stuck in a different universe and all he has is access to Walmart? How the heck is he suppose to slay the baddies and save the world with low tier crap from the joke of American consumerism."


Why is he complaining? He has access to many goods which does include weapons, food, water, equipment, luxury goods. Heck he could totally take over the entire new worlds economy with access to all goods in Walmart
 

Mark Poe

The majestic cock
Author
I really don't want to sound like a dick, but this story is on indefinite hiatus due to me burning out on the whole isekai genre and currently working on another story...
 
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