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A Penguin Plays RULE THE WAVES

1.1 Intro

bluepencil

Indentured Artist
Author
You might seen him get broken by Planetbase. You've seen him flail around with Kingdoms and Castles.

Now it's time to know... if Almirante Pietro can save the Spanish Empire!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------




What the hell am I doing putting myself through all this again...

What? It's done? Are we live?

Ok deep breath. LET'S DO THIS.



DA-DA-DAH! DA DA DADA DAAAAH!
DOOM! DOOM! DOOM! DOM! DOM! DOM! DOOOM!
BIRI BIDI BIREEE!

Yeah, no. This game doesn't have any intro video or sound effects to speak of.

But just looking at that main menu and its imposing artwork is enough to tell you all you need to know.

The sheer insanity of 1900 to 1920 brinksmanship and shipbuilding, and everything leading up to the World War made inevitable by greed and ego unaware as to how far killing technology had progressed. War was just the default state of Europe, it was almost a game. Trading territories here and there, never a decade of peace... but little did they know how much their lust for glory would destroy their own nations. The navy was like the tail wagging the dog, and war, war would change forever.

Are those British ships? I mean, who uses a ram bow, seriously?
(ahem)



Anyway...

It is I, Pietro La Penguin, your host into his completely ahistorical boondoggle. With the power of hindsight and a lack of direct consequences for our actions, can our armchair admiraling create a better alternate timeline?

Let's find out.
 
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1.2 Intro

bluepencil

Indentured Artist
Author

Man, this interface. It's like using Windows 3.11 all over again.

Yes, I am fully aware that I am a Penguin. But that was my first operating environment, and to this day I feel somewhat fond of it.

I am a traitor to my peoples.


So. First off, and obviously, the British Empire. Brittanian rule the waves and all that, hip hip hoorah. They are quite rich bastards, aren't they?

Hidden flaws? What flaws could those be? Sociologically? Doctrinally?

(googles)

... Something is Wrong with our Ships Today.




Okay, moving on. Germany!
I have no strong feelings whatsoever for pre-WW2 Imperial Germany. They are not more or less shitheels like any other colonialist power at the time.



I do, however, have strong feelings for Trarist Russia.

And that feeling is PITY. Oh, the poor Russian Pacific Fleet and their journey from Russia to East Asia.

You wouldn't think anyone could fuck up that much outside of a comedy movie, but it actually happened in reality. Such a hilarious cavalcade of misfortune and incompetence such as the world has never seen. Tsutshima was almost a mercy.
 
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1.3 Intro

bluepencil

Indentured Artist
Author

And we have France. I dunno. Between France and Germany, I feel I'd rather root for Germany. They were both similarly prideful, but bugnuts in an entirely different way.

Also, as far as I know, only France ever used quadruple main gun turrets. It's so emblematic of élan I am impressed. But not impressed enough to try it in my hulls.


And then we have Austria-Hungary, which sadly I know only had a navy because of Disney and the Sound of Music.
I am so sorry.


And then we have the Pastas, significant only in how anyone who allies with them automatically loses.
I'm almost tempted to pick this nation though just to experiment with a motor torpedo boat doomswarm.


And then we have Japan. It is actually impressive how much they managed to do with their starting disadvantages.
Good ships, good crews, but ultimately hoist by their own petard grasping beyond their grasp.


And then we have the USA. And this whole game is going to be about NOT picking a fight with the USA and their infinite wall of steel and guns.



And those are the main default nations. What else do we have?
The CSA?

CS...

WHAT.
 
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1.4 Intro

bluepencil

Indentured Artist
Author
Those bunch of slaving assholes?!


Hmm. There are two versions. One which has Germany as an opponent and the other has Spain.
Does this mean that the former is a post-1900 Spanish-American War world in which the US controls the Philippines?

No wait, the Spanish-American War happens after the Civil War, so that's already ahistorical. Ugh my brainmeats.



And so that leaves Spain. Hurtling towards irrelevance in the turn of the century.
There are two versions as well. One in which they can war against Germany, and the other against the CSA.

Now that I know about the nations, I'll be honest with you. This game will be all about
PICKING A FIGHT WITH THE CONFEDERATE STATES OF AMERICA
And hoping their plantation-based economy isn't actually that much better than ours.


(click Next)


I do not grok any of these choices.
 
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Rufus Shinra

Well-known member
FYI, @bluepencil, the British King George V battleships had two quadruple turrets and a double turret, respectively in A, X and B position. And I am so much following this thread.

The game is pretty fun overall, it allows some weird-as-hell design choices, and you will cry your heart out at the politics messing up with your grand plans.

EDIT: the French quadruple turrets had the particularity, however, of actually being two double turrets stuck together with massive bulkheads separating both halves, something that allowed one of the four ships with a full-frontal A-B configuration to keep firing with a turret that got one half wrecked by a British or US shell.
 
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1.4a Intro - Technical Matters

bluepencil

Indentured Artist
Author
Actually the British King George V battleships had two quadruple turrets and a double turret, respectively in A, X and B position.

WHO ARE YOU AND HOW DID YOU GET INSIDE MY HOUSE?

You... called me, remember? As a technical advisor? (Also I'm on Skype.)

Oh. Right. So, I am a fan of history, but I'm not really clear on good shipbuilding.

Arr matey, dese ships no longer be divided from first rate to third rate! The Line of Battle Ship ... the battleship, the true steelclad leviathans, they rule the waves! But like the great elephants of old, they are threatened by tiny little mice - the tiny torpedo boat!

Change your hat, we're going with Spain.

So heeey amigo, I heard you like torpedos. But your motor torpedo boats can't survive to touch la reynas and your submarinos can't chase anything worth shit? Have I got a deal for you, yah!

That's Mexico.


Though I do feel it is very appropriate that the Admiral's name means 'beer'. Ahahaha.

That's cerveZA.

What?

Cerveza means 'beer'. Cervera means 'a place of stags'.

BARATHEONS!

...!

OURS IS THE FURY!

That's so Spaanish!

I KNOOOW.






AN:
@Rufus Shinra , this duck reaction face set dates back to 2017 actually. ;)
 

Erwin_Pommel

Well-known member
Banned
Mein Gott, Rufus has transcended physical planes and has enforced his will upon the world of penguins D:
 

Rufus Shinra

Well-known member
Ah wonderful, I need to become a technical adviser now. Oh, well, I have the perfect documentation to fulfil this role adequately.

2011

So, boss, we need to set up a 12,000 tons battleship that goes 33 knots, has 800 mm guns in ABCXYZ double turret configuration, 12 127 mm DP turrets, 48 35 mm gattling guns and a few dozen tacnuke cruise missiles. There, @bluepencil, I provided you with an adequate starter design, I expect that our glorious engineers will not sabotage our nation's efforts to achieve rough parity with the Austrian-Hungarian navy.
 

bluepencil

Indentured Artist
Author
Ah wonderful, I need to become a technical adviser now. Oh, well, I have the perfect documentation to fulfil this role adequately.

View attachment 2011

So, boss, we need to set up a 12,000 tons battleship that goes 33 knots, has 800 mm guns in ABCXYZ double turret configuration, 12 127 mm DP turrets, 48 35 mm gattling guns and a few dozen tacnuke cruise missiles. There, @bluepencil, I provided you with an adequate starter design, I expect that our glorious engineers will not sabotage our nation's efforts to achieve rough parity with the Austrian-Hungarian navy.
Uggh. Warship Gunner, right? I've always wanted to play that, but for reasons I don't have a PS2 and the emulators don't work on my rig. :(


[edit]
Also, use inches like nations that actually win naval wars! 😤
 

bluepencil

Indentured Artist
Author
Ah. Further complications. No PS3 either. In fact, no consoles whatsoever since the SNES era. :p

(Portables don't count.)

Rufus Shinra said:
So, boss, we need to set up a 12,000 tons battleship that goes 33 knots, has 31 inch guns in ABCXYZ double turret configuration, 12 5 inch DP turrets, 48 35 mm gattling guns and a few dozen tacnuke cruise missiles.
Also 33 knots HOW. Is that a thing that can actually be built in that game?

Assuming 1,000 tons just for the guns alone without the turret, that's 12,000 of the displacement budget already down.

What is this glorious madness.
 

Rufus Shinra

Well-known member
Ah. Further complications. No PS3 either. In fact, no consoles whatsoever since the SNES era. :p

(Portables don't count.)


Also 33 knots HOW. Is that a thing that can actually be built in that game?

Assuming 1,000 tons just for the guns alone without the turret, that's 12,000 of the displacement budget already down.

What is this glorious madness.
Oh please, this was a midgame ship. Wait until you see the twin-hull battleships with a wave motion gun, eight fusion reactors pushing them to 120 knots and 80.0 cm guns turrets doing a half-turn in half a second while firing 5 shots a second, the ship itself turning around in less than five seconds. The missiles are destroyed with laser turrets and you have crab or cat shaped laser turrets to sink cruisers. And I am not making any of this up, I guarantee it. Below, blueprints for a suboptimal battleship going 59 knots and sporting 51 cm armour all over the hull. Note the 460 mm secondary anti-air triple turrets and the 88 mm gattling guns.

2012

Glorious madness is mid-game. Then you start going into drugs-induced happiness.
 
1.5 Intro

bluepencil

Indentured Artist
Author

All right, so let's change that.
What is Spain known for?

Christianity?

Bullfighting?

What's Spanish for bull?


There we go.
If we were playing the Italians, then obviously it would be Admiral Pastabote.

Now to get some relief from all this confusion, let us READ THE MANUAL.



Hmm. So, don't start with a Small Fleet.
I was actually hoping this means everybody would have small fleets so this reduces the management burden with repetitive fleet battles.

Varied technologies might be interesting to take too.


So how do I get more money? Is there any benefit to getting more overseas possessions/colonies or are they just a net money drain?

Colonialism! What are you good forrr?!





Yes, Spain's colonies are going to tie down its sad obsolescent little fleet.
I don't want to pick a fight with the CSA only to get suddenly Banzai'ed in the back by Japan.



Wait, so should I design my starting fleet?
Maybe I should buzz my Technical Advisor for this.

Well whatever you design and build initially will be lousy botes anyway.
The technological advances during this period are so rapid that you might be better off not building any Battleships for your first year.

It will tie up your yards to refit them later. Instead you might focus on a more mobile force that will take longer to obsolete because they're not meant to trade blows.

Heavy Cruisers to deter Light Cruiser raiders, and Light Cruisers for raiding and taking down Destroyers.
Destroyers for coastal patrol, anti-submarine warfare, and the occasional lucky torpedo hit.

On the other hand, you might get war declared on you on your first year.






AN:
Pietro's 'livestream' ends here for now. Imma sleep.

Suggest a starting fleet for Pietro la Torobote Almirante Penguin.

Also note that I don't speak Spanish. Like, at all. Will need help with that too.
 
2.1 Build Mode

bluepencil

Indentured Artist
Author

Oh lordy.

How do I... how do I... ANYTHING?

What's this button do?



Oh. Okay.


Ooookay.
So what a great example of turn-of-the-century design. Casemated guns and all.


Hmm. 8-inch guns are made for slapping down light cruisers. We should go a little heavier.





Wait, hang on...


YOUR EIGHT-INCH GUNS ARE BETTER THAN YOUR TEN INCH GUNS?!
How do you embeciles suck this bad?!
 

Aaron Fox

SB's Minor Junker Descendant and Hunter of Nazis
Author
Oh @bluepencil, you now notice the fun of this game. One of the mechanics of the game is gun quality. Each nation has a number tied to how good the quality a certain caliber is. These numbers can be positive (i.e. better) or negative (i.e. crap). Spain at the turn of the century had... not-so-good large caliber (i.e. anything bigger than 8 inches) and this is reflected in the negative number of the caliber. The US and UK are better for newer players because they didn't have poor guns (usually see a lot of zeroes or positive numbers, and the lowest was a -2 that one time, but that was ages ago), just mediocre or better. Germany is another decent beginner from what I've played, as you tend to get flooded with money most of the time (yeah, it got to the point where I couldn't spend it all on one game!) and actually get some pretty damn good shells to begin with.
 
2.2 Build Mode

bluepencil

Indentured Artist
Author
Okay, I'm seeing why it was said there might be no point in building my own battleships.
What the hell, Spain.

What the hell.



Eight inch guns are better than nine guns guns are better than ten inch guns. I'm keeping this, thanks.

What's the Spanish word for Crusader?

(googles)



There we go.

Henceforth all Heavy Cruisers will have names starting with 'C' and Light Cruisers starting with 'L'.


So I changed casemates into turrets. I don't know if it has a mechanical advantage to gameplay, but I just like how it looks.
Seems like it would be more accurate. Those six-inch turrets barely have any penetration anyway.

I have no idea if this is a decent ship at all.

...


Actually, I changed my mind.

Henceforth all Armored Cruisers will have names starting with 'A'.
 
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Aaron Fox

SB's Minor Junker Descendant and Hunter of Nazis
Author
Okay, I'm seeing why it was said there might be no point in building my own battleships.
What the hell, Spain.

What the hell.
Spain was having a craptastic time back during the turn of the century, given that it got bitchslapped by a Navy that had been historically under-funded and fucked over on countless occasions during the Spanish and American War. The USN -historically- was very competent on problem solving... like during the lead up to the Civil War, the USN had a rash of cannons exploding so the USN had one of their officers -a bright spark by the name of John A. Dahlgren- design a new cannon that had a far less likely chance of exploding... and the Dahlgren Guns started the USN's barrel life fetish as it was discovered that Dahlgren's design was actually safe to pretty big (comparatively) powder loads. For example the 11" Dahlgrens that the USN used were originally given 15 pound powder loads because they don't want the guns to explode...

... it was later found out after the Battle of Hampton Roads (the world's first ironclad v ironclad fight) through testing that the guns could (safely) handle a charge of 30 pounds as standard... although Dahlgren first recommended 20 pound charges first because, well, he was erring on the side of caution because of exploding cannons still in his mind at the time...

To put this into perspective, this is a Dahlgren gun:

(a Dahlgren gun, aka 'the soda bottle')

So I changed casemates into turrets. I don't know if it has a mechanical advantage to gameplay, but I just like how it looks.
Seems like it would be more accurate. Those six-inch turrets barely have any penetration anyway.

I have no idea if this is a decent ship at all.
That's... not entirely period accurate as most navies at the time were putting casemates everywhere still. Even HMS Dreadnought had casements as well...

Also, more turrets means more space being used up and more time in the dockyards...
 

bluepencil

Indentured Artist
Author
That's... not entirely period accurate as most navies at the time were putting casemates everywhere still. Even HMS Dreadnought had casements as well...

Also, more turrets means more space being used up and more time in the dockyards...
Historicity aside, casemates or not doesn't seem to add to construction time. But fair point.
 

Aaron Fox

SB's Minor Junker Descendant and Hunter of Nazis
Author
Historicity aside, casemates or not doesn't seem to add to construction time. But fair point.
Yeah, Rule the Waves was always something bareboned when it came to the sim bits. Rule the Waves 2 is in development now and it now includes carriers and goes into the 1950s... (GUPPY program here we come!). Still, if you got the files/program, then you can post in-game pictures of your ships...
 
2.3 Build Mode

bluepencil

Indentured Artist
Author
What?

Fiiiine.

I've just been told to stop cheating and just follow the historical norms. Casemates aren't that bad.
And without proper turret tech, small turreted guns aren't going to be as effective as I expect.

So I won't put turreted secondaries until... when did Dreadnought come out? 1906? Yeah that's good.

Or when I see other nations going around with secondaries on turrets.



Well putting things back into casemates instead of turrets only saves me about 48 tons.

Uggh. To 20 knots or 21 knots? That is the question.
Whether 'tis more fiscally sound to use almost four hundred freed tons and two million, or to stave off obsolescence by not having to rip out the machinery and spend much time and expense in the yards for refit later.


I guess I'll keep it at 21 knots to be able to catch up to Light Cruisers.



There's not much difference between casemates and turreted cruisers, only about 160,000... out of 34 million...
Is it pesos? No, the game has to be using an undefined universal currency, because Spanish currency is also terribad.
Are we still on the gold standard?



I dropped tertiary guns from ten to six in order to fit in Colonial Service men and equipment.


So let's buy like... FOUR of them.
And start renaming them to fit the theme.


What?
 
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Aaron Fox

SB's Minor Junker Descendant and Hunter of Nazis
Author
Yeah... Rule the Waves can be... finicky... more often than not, at least in my playthroughs. Then again I've lost my code so I can't download patches for it. Why the Devs don't put it on Steam or GOG I'll never know...
 
2.4 Build Mode

bluepencil

Indentured Artist
Author

Wait I didn't know I could do that.



Aha. Ahaha.
AHAHAHAHAHAHA.
I DON'T NEED TO BE LIMITED TO MY STUPID ENGINEERS' SHITTY GUNS OR THE HIDEOUS SLOW PACE OF MY SHITTY DOCK WORKERS!



That is a significant improvement. That's enough to blow through all expected Cruiser armor. We need that.

But wait, let's shop around first.
Since build time here is instant, what can the other shipbuilding nations offer us?


That.

Perfidious Albion is using double gun secondary turrets, you guys! In 1900!

What was that about being needlessly anachronisticcc?!



The Baguette and Pasta botes aren't much different.
I do note how all of these period battleships are so sloow.

Let's go ask what our own yards have for us.


You guys suck mucho quantities. Seriously.
 
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