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V4Guss
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  • “Am I really here?”
    “What do you mean by "you" anyway? Are you your arm or your leg?”
    “Partly.”
    “Really? If you lost all your limbs, wouldn’t you still be you?”
    “I’d still be me.”
    “So, what is the "me"?”
    “My brain, I suppose.”
    "Your brain? Your brain is a body part. Like your fingernail or your heart. Why is that the part that’s you?”
    “Because I have a sort of voice in my head, the part of me that thinks, that feels, that is aware that I exist at all.”
    "So if you're aware you exist, then you do. That's why you're still here."

    "Your brain is meat, and rots and disappears. Do you really think that's all there was to you? Like you're in your house right now. You're in your house, that doesn't mean you are your house. House falls down, you get out and walk away."
    Missed you, my friend. How are you?
    V4Guss
    V4Guss
    Got really into Elder Scrolls Online, even paid an annual subscription, which is where I've been for the past two months. Finally got fed up with interacting with RP community... its drama and its demands. Everything ranging from being told to rewrite a character because it's not lore compliant enough, or it doesn't fit with the guild I'm interested in, or it stands out too much. Inane nonsense like purists saying it's lore breaking to use certain mounts or pets or that certain classes are lore breaking if played as described. Oh and drama like getting offended at referring to Vivec as a hermaphrodite when he's described like that in lore even with me repeatedly stating that I understood that hermaphrodite is offensive when referring to transgender individuals, but I was using it in the biological sense such as animals, fictional species, or gods. This person claimed referring to an animal or fictional species such as Hutts or Idirans as hermaphrodites was offensive which is nonsense to any sane person who isn't an idiot. This resulted in me getting ignored by a number of people in a Discord. People getting offended when I simply said "rape culture" was an unuseful term and rather misandrist and them saying this made them feel "unsafe" which caused a nascent guild to fall apart and them blaming the guy running it I was told when I talked to him and caused me to get called a rape apologist when I was not insulting or angry in the slightest just stating an opinion. They're the one who brought the term up in the first place. God forbid we offend anyone, or make them feel unsafe, or simply disagree with them because feelings are what really matter instead of logical thought.

    I'm sorry... I'm just angry right now. I uninstalled that game, left every Discord I was in with ESO, deleted my posts on the RP forums. I want nothing to do with the game or its community at this point.
    BTW we have new discord now as tuna ran the old one, it's replaced the old forum links.
    • Horton
    Reactions: V4Guss
    V4Guss
    V4Guss
    With what Celene and Zeno pulled... I completely understand. Thanks.
    • Like
    Reactions: Horton
    Lerticus
    Lerticus
    I still won't go there, but it is nice to hear.
    Just interacting and posting here picks me up a bit. Thanks guys.
    t-dugong
    t-dugong
    V4Guss
    V4Guss
    is not sure how the dugong does this physics defying feat out of water, but laughs as this happens Good to see you're back.
    t-dugong
    t-dugong
    Shh, don't tell physics I'm not playing by the rules.

    Also, glad to be back. There's no place like home :)
    • Like
    Reactions: V4Guss
    You need to quit harassing me dude. It isn't your place to like make disgusting reactions to my posts.
    V4Guss
    V4Guss
    You know what fuck it I'm done. This entire argument is retarded. I learned in psych wards not to argue with or criticize other crazy people and you managed to pull me in. I'm the idiot for allowing this to continue.

    I hate to say this, but you're the second person behind Sarcobite I'm putting on ignore and I'm not interacting with you anymore since you just blow up at the smallest things. Also you got a few posts I left about you on Shitshows on FiC over on QQ, just thought you should know that... feel free to shit post there.
    sneakykitten
    sneakykitten
    Ahahaha, there was no anger in my posts, you are ignoring me and free to do that as saddening as it is. She always gonna love you, your criticisms were just wrong, and you can't handle being wrong apparently. Love you.
    sneakykitten
    sneakykitten
    Nobody is fucking 'shit posting' and your offer to tempt me does nothing. You really come off as a nasty hater. She feel sorry for you. Like, she's trying to be real with saying that she wanna be your friend, and your tar me on some other website and insult my posts? Thank you, you are a lovely friend, she love you forever.
    I apologize... I know I tend to get weird in thought or emotion when I go off my medication.
    sneakykitten
    sneakykitten
    She didn't freak out, she's been abandon bunches and bunches of time and it's lovely. You did step away, quit blaming me for you abandoning me hatefully. There's no excuses for how you treated me, tho she'd forgive you if you'd accept it. How to stop doing these same ting tho, do tell? If you wanna. Anyway my BFF came back and wanna leave soon. Sorry. Sincerely.
    V4Guss
    V4Guss
    You begged me to come back and then acted all smug afterwards like that didn't happen. Quite rewriting things to suit you. This is why you are such a pain in the ass.
    sneakykitten
    sneakykitten
    Okay. Okay. She doesn't remember acting smug, and if begging bothers you, she really is sorry. Like, why would she lie about this? Really, all she ever ask for here is to have fun and talk w/friends, or talk about real life, not to bother you. Is any of this getting thru? She only wanna be nice to ppl here, not make them feel bad, or you feel bad. Okay? Can you believe me?
    hey, she notices you like a post on her profile, after saying something about how we don't talk anymore. is it acceptable to view her profile to see how ppl are mean to her meow? love ya still, this is not meant to be threatening, only an innocent question.
    V4Guss
    V4Guss
    I'm not going to lie on this or sugar coat it. I view your profile out of pity and amusement. I've tried to offer advice in the past, but you just keep doing the same things that cause problems and make accusations against people when they've done nothing wrong based on your view of how they should act even getting mad when I'd had enough and stepped away. You seem to want this site to be some form of hugbox when it's not going to be that. Based on your reactions to people here and how I've seen you interpret things I don't trust a lot of the things you say. I don't dislike you, but for the most part I don't care anymore. At best I pity you and hope you accept some form of help that will stick, at worst your bizarre rants are amusing. Again for the most part I simply don't care anymore and you've burned up a lot of sympathy I had for you. Do what you will, I'm just going to observe and take notes at this point.
    sneakykitten
    sneakykitten
    that's fine. thank you for telling me the truth. actually, people here do do things wrong, Adornable made gross comments about trans girls that shouldn't be acceptable imo. as for you, she doesn't really remember much of what we discuss, tho you too insulting the very idea of being trans by calling it something like, 'your feelings over your actual body,' is that anywhere close? bunches of LGBT women have piercings, hairdye, act in perfectly fine ways and take medicine and surgery, and that is an actual body, they are harassed because of 'exotic features' and beaten up and sexually assaulted. allowing people like sarco narco who loves trump to go around acting like a boss just annoys me, and he's literally hateful, and it feel like some people like you maybe misunderstand. and calling thing on my profile bizarre rants when they getting attacked, and have been attacked physically in Spokane is totally understandable tho they have no anger only patience for misguided humans.

    you're a great person, better than me, to even find pity in your heart. at the same time she feels the culture here is hostile to trans girls, maybe even any Lesbian or Bisexual woman, whose not 'conventionally pretty' in my heart. and posters like Shitposter said we are free to mock or disrespect anybody, and if you disrespect the wrong person you in trouble.

    anyway, she doesn't understand where we went wrong specifically and she has no hate for you. if you ever feel like talking again that's fine, if not, fine too. just Please don't pretend she's crazy, you and others have express derision for trans girls and somebody in power was allow to be degrading too and yes, it's fucking gross and wrong, because dehumanizing others to please social media or your real life insecurities is wrong. thank you, you're a wonderful guy. and she was never mad at you. she was only desperately sad when a friend was leaving, without anger. she supposes she could say she would observe you too.

    last notes: she knows you weren't sincere the moment you said, "people aren't this antisocial and hateful for no reason." actually, there's no reason to punch me or stick me in solitary or even make threatening jokes: they dislike the idea of your sexuality, or the way you look, so your advice starts to seem a bit more like blaming, no lie. and let's not sugarcoat: just like Lesbians get violently attack, or push out of normal society or treated as bizarre and weird so can any minority in the class of LGBT, this kitty has personally experience beatings, rapes, total locking out of normal society in a house or being in solitary in jail for days. for nothing more than what ppl feel she looks like. whose feels are those then?

    sorry to have made you pity or feel careless for her tho, for real. omg, this became a text wall, she obvi does have positive feelings for you. whose feelings are more harmful, the haters or the kitties who suffer?
    So... I learned today I'm apparently an asshole.

    Seriously... am I a bad guy in this whole incident with @IndyFront?

    I'm not sure what I did wrong here, if anything.
    Arius
    Arius
    No. But move on, a lot of people will have opinions on you, it's easy on the Internet. It's not worth wasting your time. According to some, I am anti-American, anti-Russians, etc. Being accused of something doesn't make it true.
    Salbazier
    Salbazier
    Eh, you are willing to give some attempt at self-reflection and analyzing your action. That's already miles ahead of most people. :V

    Personally, I didn't think you did wrong though.
    Say hello to your new Commissar! Insubordination will not be tolerated.
    IndyFront
    IndyFront
    One.... millionyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaarrssss ...DUNGEON!!!!1one12
    V4Guss
    V4Guss
    Hmmm, I think I'm going to beat you there, Commissar Yesman, since my gulag since is less gulag and more den of lust and sensation. People will sign up voluntarily.
    Yesman
    Yesman
    *gets imprisoned in own gulag*
    • Like
    Reactions: V4Guss
    You think you can merly ingnore me?
    Oh my. Who is your beautiful avatar?
    Sorry to bother you, but I felt I should ask if you are feeling any better? As a followup if that is not too irritating.
    V4Guss
    V4Guss
    I'm better today just tired and drained. I'm stable but it will take a couple days or so for me to get back to "normal" after that.
    V4Guss
    V4Guss
    Thanks for the concern and responding last night.
    Jaggerain
    Jaggerain
    Ah good, I was quite worried about where you were going with that as I have known some friends/acquaintes who said something like that. So it brought up some old memories and feelings.

    I know it's considered improper to not say you're welcome, but I think I was doing something that is simply in my nature, and shouldn't be worthy of thanks.

    I hope you feel much better V4Guss, I honestly do.

    I wish you a much better day.
    Does anyone else ever feel like they were given a life sentence in solitary confinement?
    • Like
    Reactions: Parris and Ddmkm122
    V4Guss
    V4Guss
    I don't really expect any response to this. I just needed to type this out while it's flowing. I am. I was. I suppose that's why I like writing. I may want Freedom the most, but I don't want to be totally forgotten either. I'll most likely be fine in the morning after I've had some sleep and there's been a chance for my medications to take effect.
    Jaggerain
    Jaggerain
    ...

    Wow, that was...intense, I may not be able to understand what you're going through, but I can sympathize, even if you don't want me to.

    I apologize of you didn't want or expect anyone to reply, I am sorry if I draw your ire.

    But I feel that after that something must be said by someone else.

    I hope someone else can articulate what I mean, as I am not the best at emotional conversations, and I will be grateful if they do.

    But if not, so be it.

    You are, you have been, you will be.

    You HAVE to.

    Who else will be you, but you?

    It is not shameful to want freedom at the expense of others, but there is no glory in it either. If you have others, remember that they have you.

    You are a unique individual, and it is shown by your thoughts and feelings recorded here.

    And those are too special to be lost.
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